Saturday, December 29, 2018

Multiple Reports Pointing To Evil Empire Signing 'Perfect Yankee' Machado

If these reports are true, there couldn't be a better baseball match. The wholly despicable Manny Machado will very likely soon become a wholly despicable Bronx Embalmer. Multiple reports suggest that the Yankees and Machado have agreed on an 8-year deal worth somewhere between $280 and $300 million. Some reports also suggest multiple "opt-out" points during the contract term. Reportedly, the deal will be announced mid-next week. Of course, there is no official word yet from The Concrete Bunker On 161st Street, but it's been pretty clear over the last few days that Machado did not want to land in Philadelphia or in Chicago with The Pale Hose (the only other apparent suitors). For Red Sox fans, this would actually be a perfect solution—placing yet another jerk on the Yankee roster (already overflowing with jerks). Our serious dislike of Machado will now move to wicked dislike on steroids (and we use that term advisedly). Hopefully, next October, we will witness Machado ending yet another playoff series against Boston with a pathetic strikeout on his knees—this time adorned in pinstripes.