Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Red Sox Move Further Down The Moronic Mascot Road

Tessie (L); Wally (R)
The NOG (New Ownership Group) is nothing if not politically-correct. So, it should come as no surprise that the Red Sox have officially achieved 'gender balance' with their mascots. Ladies and gents, we give you: Tessie The Green Monster. We're not kidding. This is completely serious. Apparently, Tessie is the sister of Wally The Green Monster. It's unclear where exactly Tessie has been all these years—since she seems about the same age as Wally. More than likely she's been volunteering overseas in the Peace Corps—or maybe toiling in Fenway's Organic Garden. We can just imagine the hours of meetings to decide whether Tessie should be Wally's sibling or spouse—the latter surely would have raised all kinds of delicate issues for the NOG. So, sister it is! Yikes.