There are multiple conflicting reports today that the Red Sox will or will not try to re-sign former catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia—who was released by the Miami Marlins. However, the weight of the evidence suggests that Boston will not re-unite with Salty. First, he's owed $15 million on the balance of his contract. Second, his bat is now a Mendoza-Line Wonder Boy. Third, Andover High School's Ryan Hanigan and Sandy Leon are perfectly adequate placeholders for the eventual backstop tandem of Blake Swihart and Christian Vazquez. We loved Salty as much as the next blog, but—nah.