Thursday, December 11, 2014

WANTED: Ace Pitcher To Top AL East Rotation

Applicant must have sufficient gravitas to be clearly viewed as superior to the remaining members of the rotation—all of whom are basically #3 starters. Mid-90s fastball preferred, low WHIP and ERA a plus. Willing to relocate to a region with unpredictable April weather patterns. Must be available for October employment. Apply to: Mr. Ben Cherington, Boston American League Baseball Club, 4 Yawkey Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02215. Please bring glove, jock, and stirrup socks to the meeting. Salary negotiable. Agent optional.