Thursday, February 20, 2014

Henry Vows Cramped Seating For 30 More Years

Rest easy, Red Sox fans. You will be able to squeeze your twenty-first century frames into early twentieth-century seating for at least thirty more years. Thanks to the largesse of soccer and publishing magnate John Henry, we don't have to fear some state-of-the-art replication of Fenway Park—you know with zero obstructions, wide seating and maybe even a retractable roof. No sirree—no creature comforts for you! Said the Forbes List Billionaire, "Structurally, there is an expiration date. Someone at some point in the decades ahead will have to address the possibility of a new ballpark. I think you’re several decades away. I think we have a good 30 years. Hopefully we’ll still be around, but we’ll leave that for the next ownership group to worry about." So, when is the next Liverpool re-broadcast on NESN? Just askin'.