Monday, August 27, 2012

A Modest Proposal: Dump Sweet Caroline

The Great Quarter Billion Dollar Trade has—so far—gone a long way toward erasing the bad memories of Black September 2011 and the equally black 2012. The popcorn tastes better, the beer is less watered-down, and the obstructed views aren't as "obstructy" as they were on Friday.  But, we need at least one more step to purge the Ghosts Of Dysfunction Past. How about getting rid of the painfully saccharine 'Sweet Caroline', which has soiled our eighth innings for far too long now—especially when the Olde Towne Team is getting shellacked. I understand that the casual, once-a-year fans (and the Pink Hats) like to drunkenly sway to the dulcet tones of Neil Diamond. They need something to look forward to. Our proposal? Replace Caroline with another old fan favorite—'Shipping Up To Boston'. Ever since Jonathan Papelbon skipped town, we've been without this consummate Boston anthem. Let's bring it back in the eighth and ditch Caroline.