Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Savvy J. D. Martinez Wins Over Fans With Boston Talk

OK, this J.D.Martinez guy is pretty shrewd. In his first tweet as a member of the Red Sox, he was careful to use just the right amount of Boston slang—without appearing obsequious. Said the new DH of The Carmine Hose: "I'm WICKED excited to be here!!" Oh, yeah. Now, as long as J.D. doesn't rent a house "down the Cape" and stock it with a "pissah" supply of "Dunks" products. Or, live "nawth" of the city, use the T, and get off at "Haymahket" to catch the next Green Line "cah" to Kenmore. And, he better just go ten-pin bowling with Mookie Betts on their off-nights—and not try to suck up to us by doing candlepins. And he sure as hell better not try to "bang a U-ie" in the breakdown lane of Route 128—you know, just to impress us. So, as long as he doesn't do any of that, we're OK with him.