Thursday, December 24, 2015

The 2016 Red Sox Wish List We're Leaving For Santa

NORAD has located Santa somewhere over Karsakpay, Kazakhstan as we write this—so there's plenty of time to compile a 'wish list' for the 2016 Red Sox. While new boss Dave Dombrowski has done a good job so far this off-season, there are still a bunch of additional goodies that Santa could leave under the Yawkey Way tree tonight. Herewith is our list for the Big Jolly Guy—don't worry we're also leaving him three Pepperidge Farm Nantucket Double Dark Chocolate Chunk Crispy Cookies and a glass of lactose-free milk:

1.) A healthy and productive final season for David Ortiz;
2.) A young, controllable starting pitcher in exchange for a reasonable group of our prospects;
3.) The emergence of either Christian Vazquez or Blake Swihart as an elite young catcher;
4.) An easy transition to the Boston area for Astro Price, so his owner feels comfortable enough to win the Cy Young award and throw the final out of the World Series;
5.) A shamrock for the back pocket of Dustin Pedroia to keep him fully healthy and fully nasty for the entire 2016 season.

That's all we ask.