Tuesday, September 23, 2014

America's Most Cramped Ballpark—Crampier!

Stretch Out And Relax!
You gotta love the NOG (New Ownership Group). Unsatisfied with the tens of millions they reap from ticket sales (one of the highest proportions in baseball), they're now about to cram more bodies in their 103-year old ballpark in 2015. The team will jam in a posh "corner suite" to the right of the Monster Seats and add 160 more "pavilion and bleacher" seats. The Coca-Cola Deck will also be expanded—although it's unclear whether there will be additional seats or just more incredibly expensive standing room areas. In a lovely touch by Boston Globe owner John Henry, there will also be new "ribbon band" ads that feature news updates from The Boring Broadsheet On Morrissey Boulevard. The $4.2 million in "improvements" suggests that the new boss (Mayor Marty Walsh) is just as "accommodating" to the owners as the old boss (former Mayor Tom Menino). You can bet your watered-down $10 Fenway beer that the Boston Landmarks Commission and the Boston Redevelopment Authority will approve every little detail. What a scam!