As much as we hate to admit it, the 2014 Carmine Hose are nothing better than a pale imitation of the San Diego Padres. Both teams have identical records, both have run differentials of minus 50 or more, both are dead last in offense in their respective leagues. About the only difference is that San Diego has better weather in February. Then again, Boston has a little more cultural gravitas—you know, the Museum Of Fine Arts versus the Legoland California Resort. In pure baseball terms, however, the two cities couldn't be more alike in 2014. Think of it, for the Red Sox to reach 91 wins (the Mendoza Line of playoff contention), they would have to go 51–20 (a .718 winning percentage). Not bloody likely. So, Boston-San Diego: about the same. Hey, Dude, which way to Balboa Park?