Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Red Sox Court Millennials With Cheap Tickets

The Red Sox ownership group (NOG) knows they are facing financial disaster down the road a piece. The over-hyped Generation X (now dubbed 'Millennials') are (like) bored with baseball. It doesn't really matter that The Home Towne Team has copped three rings in (like) ten years, because baseball is so (like) slow. Last year's World Series ratings showed that Millennial viewing was way down and not likely to rebound any time soon. So, enter the Red Sox with their solution—cheap ticket gimmicks such as "Student Toga Night" and "Student Scavenger Hunt Night" (like, no kidding). They're also introducing $9 standing room tickets to games for all high school and college students. Surely "Text Message Night" can't be (like) far behind. Also, if you're under 30 and reading this, be sure that the last word in each sentence is six octaves higher than all the others. Thanks.