Monday, March 24, 2014

Evil Empire "Tapped Out", Will Not Sign Drew

The Bronx Embalmers are flat out of cash—at least if you believe what they told Scott Boras. Despite having the infield range of a Softball Beer League All-Star team, The Evil Ones will not open their purse for Stephen Drew. After shelling out half-a-billion dollars over the Winter, the Steinbrenner Brood (Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber) are apparently tired of throwing good money after bad—they're "tapped out" according to sources. It now appears that Drew's only hope is the rumored new interest of the Tigers—although Detroit today signed ancient former Red Sox shortstop Alex Gonzalez—adding to their stable of retreads to replace Jose Iglesias.