For two years (2000-2001), Ugueth Urtain Urbina ("Triple U") was the closer of the Boston Red Sox. The fiery Venezuelan compiled 49 saves in 80 innings of work for the Carmine Hose—bringing a nasty fastball to the table. Unfortunately, he also brought a nasty machete to the table—and was convicted of attempted murder of some farm workers on his land down in Hugo Chavez's 'Workers Paradise'. After serving seven years of a fourteen-year sentence, Ugi is out of prison. Hey, he's only 39 and probably would come a lot cheaper than Joel Hanrahan. Just sayin'.